A three week study on the power of words. Discover the joy and freedom intended for us when we live out Godly speech and restrain from speaking evil.
All the words of my mouth are with righteousness;
Nothing crooked or perverse is in them.
Proverbs 8:8

We Build Up Ephesians
4:29-32 & Proverbs 20:19

Grow Up
1 Peter 2:1-25 & Proverb 26:20
Conflict Resolution and Christian Conferencing Tools 

Don't Be Judged Matt 7:1-19 & Lev. 19:16

DAY 1 of Build Up
In Ephesians 4 Paul tells us not to let any evil talk come from our mouths.
In our message We Build Up we explore what constitutes Evil Talk.  
Paul defines Evil Talk as: bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice. For a more on this watch the message Build Up.
Paul however says it snot enough to avoid the evil but good must replace it.

“Thieves must give up stealing; rather let them labor and work honestly with their own hands, so as to have something to share with the needy. Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:28-29‬ ‭NRSV‬‬

You know it may seem an odd shift from stealing to Evil Talk but it is an intentional shift. Paul  may be speaking to literal thieves but something else is more likely .  Paul just gave us a road map for life transformation!  And not just for thieving but for any sin with which we may struggle.  It is more than abstaining form the the bad.  Let's break it donw a bit...

The Thief must give up stealing
Let’s change this a bit if you don’t mind: The (blank) must give up (blank).
Now those blanks you can fill with anything.  
The LIAR must give up LYING;
The FORNICATOR must give up FORNICATING
The PLAYER must give up PLAYING… you get the point.  
First we give up the sin that threatens to define us.  But more must occur.  Sin at its core is seeking to fulfil a morally neutral need or desire in a harmful way.  

We must replace the wrong sinful way of meeting our needs with the way God had ordered for those needs to be met.  That order is what is best for you, others, and creation.  It is the path that will give you the most joy and meet our needs in the most fulfilling of ways!  So lets change the passage again if you will allow it.

Rather let them labor and work honestly with their own hands, s
o as to have something to share with the needy.
(We are really going to change this one up so forgive me...)
Replace the negative behavior
With its positive opposite
To meet your need and in service to others

The LIAR seeks integrity so as to build up the community
The FORNICATOR takes up purity to respect others
The PLAYER becomes genuine. I guess that's what they do.
I don’t know exactly what a player does but I hope you get the point here.  
Its not enough to leave behind the bad you must also take up the good to replace it for your benefit and others.  The THIEF steals to provide for himself or herself so now they must find God’s way which will not only provide for their needs but bless others.

Now for the Evil Talk.  Its not enough to drop it you have to replace it.  Evil Talk is fulfilling a need in your heart in a harmful way.  So its not enough to avoid the Evil Talk.  It must be replaced with words that build up.  Paul calls them Grace Filled Words and defines them in this way...and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.

PRAYER
LORD you are tenderhearted, forgiving and grace filled towards me.
Help me to be the same with my words towards others.
Let me not just avoid Evil Talk but seek GRACE FILLED WORDS to replace them.
When evil is on my lips do not just close my mouth
but let me speak words of kindness.
When I’m tempted to tear down, turn my heart to building up.
Let me replace the sin in my life with the good you have for me.
Amen.

DAY 2 BUILD UP
What is it Paul means when he encourages us to Build Up?
For Paul the central desire is the unity of the church in Christ and each other.  
That unity is defined by our Oneness in Christ that connects us with the Father and all of us together.

In John 17 Jesus prays for this oneness for his followers before his arrest and crucifixion. It was so important and urgent to him that Jesus spent his final free moments asking God for this one thing.  

Now Jesus defined this oneness as the love he and the Father shared.   Paul express what that loving oneness looks like in 1 Corinthians 13.  You’ve heard at weddings but this amazing stupendous love we imagine only for one of the deepest human bonds is actually the love we are meant to have for each other.

Read 1 Cor.13 and make two lists.
What love is:
What love is not:
Reflect on these lists today and ask God to help you love in this amazing way.  
For after all we as God’s people are to be know by our love!

PRAYER
LORD the love you have for me is amazing and unmerited.
Thank you for loving me in this way.
LORD, my love is frail in comparison.
Help me to grow into the powerful love described by your servant Paul.
May I learn to love as Christ loves me.
And when I fail let your grace make up the difference in my sincere and honest efforts.
AMEN

DAY 3 BUILD UP
“I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all. But each of us was given grace according to the measure of Christ's gift.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:1-7‬ ‭NRSV‬‬

Before Turning specifically to the matter of our talk in Ephesians 4, Paul makes his primary purpose for his words clear.  Unity in the church.

We make the mistake of reading our faith through an individualistic lens.  We thin about Christianity as primarily about my response to the Gospel.  We focus on my sins and my actions.  But the Gospel is so much bigger than this.  It is about a Kingdom being realized right here and now.  More often than not the NT Epistles from Romans to Jude are about community living not individual faith.  In fact in 2 Peter, Colossians, Revelation 2-3 and elsewhere we read about entire church communities being in danger of getting cut off from Christ because of the behavior of a group within their midst.  Doesn’t sound fair does it?  Yet it is there.

The Kingdom is a community not a person.  And when a community is toxic and fails to usher in the Kingdom of God with love of God, service to neighbor etc. it fails to be a church period.  Each of us impacts the whole.  Is your life building up the community of God or taking from it.  Can you say that Ephesians 4:1-7 typifies your behavior?  

Of course not one of us is perfect.  No church is perfect either.  As they say, If you find a perfect church don’t join it...YOU’LL RUIN IT!  But can you at the least say your life is marked by a striving to live out this call: humility, gentleness, patiences, bearing with one another in love.  All these themes and more Paul fleshes out in his magnum opus on love found in 1 Cor. 13.  Pray for the strength to strengthen your church today.

PRAYER
Lord, you have given us the blessing of the Kingdom Community that is your bride the church.
I know my church is not perfect, after all I am part of it!
And none of us are perfect but Your Son our Lord Jesus.
Please help me live into a life marked by the traits Paul has called us to live out with each other in Eph 4
I want ot be a part of building my/our church up.  So that we worship and love You fully, serve those in need, and love each other in unity as ourselves.  
AMEN

DAY 1 For those being defined by others
“Your dignity can be mocked, abused, compromised, toyed with, lowered and even badmouthed, but it can never be taken from you. You have the power today to reset your boundaries, restore your image, start fresh with renewed values and rebuild what has happened to you in the past.” ~ Shannon L. Alder The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Bible: Spiritual Recovery from Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse

Shannon L. Alder’s book is takes a biblical approach to overcoming abusive relationships and situations that threaten to define us over.  It helps the reader heal and move towards the truth of God’s word about our worth.

Now gossip is a form of community abuse.  
It takes something it has no right to.  
It seeks to define you in a way God never intended.  
It is a violation of your person and privacy.  

You may have been talked about in ways that were unfair.  
Your mistakes may have been exploited for the sake of others’ entertaining conversations.  Hear me on this whether you are 100% innocent or truly at fault it is an abuse to your person and a sin against you to be gossiped about.  You do not deserve it.

You worth does not lie within the mouths of the treacherous who chew upon others only to later spit them out reaching for new morsels.  
For if God has chosen to set you free what right then do the gnashing teeth have to define you.  Who are they to oppose God?  If God has set you free you are FREE INDEED!

“God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners,
Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8  

Your worth is in Jesus.  It's one thing to say this and another to live into it.  

Your worth is in Jesus means God is the only one who gets to Judge you.
Yes, we all have people who have a right to be upset, angry, furious and more with us!
Yet, they do not get to define us.  
Only God gets to do this.

Your worth is in Jesus means you now get to live into his image not the image others create for you.
You get to progress daily towards reflecting the person of Christ.  
Each day is a new day and the old self is slowly disentangled from the new you that you are!  Like Lazarus hoping out of the grave.  He was 100% alive but yet the funeral shroud clung to him holding him back.  What a sight, Lazarus mumbling through the wrappings praise God while hoping out feet bound from the grave.  You may only be hoping and mumbling but you are 100% alive.  Don’t buy anyone else's lies.
Who are they to judge when Christ’s life has been given for you and who are you for that matter to judge yourself even?  
Who the son sets free is free indeed! - John 8:36
Let's live into this today...after all Jesus gave his life for you to be able too!

PRAYER
Oh, Jesus I know they’ve talked.
At times I felt I deserved it.
Other times it just hurt.
All the time it's you who defines me.
And you have chosen to define me as your child!
Today I forgive the gnashing teeth of my wounded neighbor.
Today I will not define them by their sin.
And today I will not be defined by them either.
AMEN

DAY 2 For those wounded by Gossip
4 Come to him, a living stone, though rejected by mortals yet chosen and precious in God’s sight, and 5 like living stones, let yourselves be built into a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.
1 Peter 2

When you have been talked about, had your motives examined, life scrutinized, decisions evaluated, and your person judged all without the benefit of being present for the conversation it wounds.  Gossip helps people formulate opinions about us without ever having had the benefit of talking to us.  And that caricature of you can hurt.

If you have ever been wounded by Gossip and slander know this...so was Jesus. Throughout the Gospels we see recorded accounts of Jesus being accused of many things: having demons, not knowing who his father was, being a Samaritan (why that's a bad thing I don’t know), being a sinner and so on.  Jesus knows your pain and the hurt of a community that can turn on you.  His own hometown turned on him after gossiping behind his back!  (Mat. 13, Mark 6, Luke 4)

You may not be entirely innocent of the things they say.  This doesn’t change the fact that Jesus has felt the pain you feel.  The hurt and feeling of rejection of your person. You're not the sins you have committed or the mistakes you have made that others may pass along.  You are His!

And when the temptation to retaliate and continue the mess of gossip remember this…

23 When he was abused, he did not return abuse; when he suffered, he did not threaten; but he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly.

PRAYER:
Lord, I have heard thee whispers in the night.
The words have come back to wound me.
I know they speaking of my destruction and chat about my short comings.
Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
And forgive those who  have sinned against me.
We are weak and frail.
Give me the strength to trust myself to Your judgment alone,
And to trust the judgment of others to you and to not take that burden upon my self either.
AMEN

Day 3 For the benefit of all
Proverbs 17:9 Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
Matthew 15:11 11 What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.”

What's coming out of your mouth?
Think over the day the week the past several conversations you have had.
What were they about?
Did they tend to build up or tear down?
When conflict arose was it a chance to address the issue or attack the person?
Do you leave a conversation having lifted others up or worked them up?
Are your words fresh or brackish springs?

Our words have power and how will we use it?  To build up or tear down?  We are territorial people and this doesn’t just apply to land.  In relationships, office politics, and family dynamics we can be tempted to choose words to build the self up and cast disparaging light on those we feel are opposed to us.  To expand our territory so to speak.  But Christ has called us to wisdom, caution and words of affirmation.  We are to be salt and light.  Truth with love.  People of grace and mercy.  So let our words be the same.

Proverbs 18:20 From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied. 21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

PRAYER
Lord, I thank you for the grace you have given me.
In response may my speech be grace filled towards others.  
Set a guard over my mouth, LORD;
keep watch over the door of my lips. (Psalm 141:3 )
So that I will bring glory to your name
And not territory to for my own sake
May I speak truth with love with not a hint of malice.
May I seek the benefit of others in my words.
May my lips be holy and yours.
AMEN

Do not Judge so that you may not be judged. (Matthew 7:1 )
Three ways our judgment of others leads to our own condemnation.

1. Self Judgment
2. The Judgement of Others
3. God’s Judgment

Each of these needs its own unpacking.  The next three days will deal with each in turn and the fourth will be committed to avoiding the evil of side tacking.

DAY 1 : Hey! Take it easy on yourself....avoiding Self Judgment
Remember that little rhyme we chanted at bullies in the school yard?
I’m rubber you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!
I don’t know who wrote that rhyme but they deserve a Pulitzer.  
When it comes to judgment the rhyme applies.  As we judge others it comes back to us.  
Living a critical eye life we become hyper sensitive not only to the flaws of others but our own.  Our mind trained to find flaws and devalue others by them soon turns on itself. Once the thought muscle of judgment is developed it won’t be content to take aim only at others.  Having passed judgment we grow deeply self conscious of our own shortcomings.  Now we go through great pains to hide our faults from others and ourselves.  After saying such wicked things about others how humiliating to discover them true about ourselves.
 
Trapped by your one critical words and fearing to admit your own judgeable flaws you are imprisoned.  That is self judgment.   Often this all occurs at a subconscious level never being admitted to the self but always in the prefrail vison of our souls.  That realm we know if we turn to will be filled with horrors we wish not to confront so we advert our eyes.  This is the realm the Holy Spirit dwells in revealing ourselves to our self if we will turn His way.  If we refuse to look sadly we fulfill Matthew 7:2 For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get.  And God the Father does not desire this for His children...

When we judge others we judge ourselves.
So let's take it easy on ourselves okay?

PRAYER
LORD you have a right to yet have not judged me.
You have been gracious to me.
In Christ You have shown me how to grow
but never have you judged me by these flaws.
Rather by the merits of your son!
How dare I judge another.
How dare I be so foolish as to give judgment.
Help me Lord to be gracious, forgiving, and equitable.
AMEN.